


The Non-Future Adventures of Captain Steve Rogers

by orphan_account



Category: Captain America (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel Movies)
Genre: Gen, endgame spoilers, fixit, sometimes you just have to move on, spoilers for all the avengers movies
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-27
Updated: 2019-04-27
Packaged: 2020-02-07 05:58:51
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 264
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18614548
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: The only way that Avengers: End Game makes any sense





	The Non-Future Adventures of Captain Steve Rogers

**Author's Note:**

> with thanks to Curtis  
>   
> 

 

 

 **Steve:** hey Arnim, it's me! Steve Rogers from the future! I am back and here to fix things. Don't even THINK about getting Hydra going again!

 **Arnim Zola:** huh, restart Hydra? I never even thought of that! Good idea, thanks!

 **Steve:** Yikes

 

*******

 

 **Steve:** I have been trying to find Bucky in these mountainous frozen wastelands forever, but I just can't seem to locate his injured near-dead body.

 **Hydra goons, who have been recently rehired by Zola:** It is hard following Captain America because I keep getting distracted by his ass.

 **Steve:** nevertheless, I will never give up. It is my duty to fix the future, and I will--

 **Hydra goon, to buddy:** hey Chad, I just stumbled across a frozen supersoldier! 

 **Steve:** yikes

 

*******

 

 **Steve:** I have tracked these goons carrying my half-frozen best friend for many many miles, and I will not let them get away, because that would be a terrible thing to do.

 **Hydra goons:** *reach a quiet cobblestoned European village and quickly stuff Bucky into a small car*

 **Steve:** Perfect, now is time to dust off my "chasing after vehicles on foot" skills. Car chase or not, I won't lose them now!

 **Hydra goons:** *accidentally run into two guys crossing street holding a huge pane of glass, which breaks, slicing off Bucky's arm*

 **Steve:** y i k e s

 

*******

 

 **Steve:** Christ. Oh Christ Jesus this is all just really bad. Maybe I can. Maybe I can least work on something small, like letting people know early on that vaccines do not cause autism.

 **Andrew Wakefield:** They cause what

 **Steve:** oh yikes

 

 

 


End file.
